'Mom, Dad, I'm not a Muslim and I'm gay: Iranian American recalls the heart stopping moment she came out to her parents
An Iranian American woman has described the heart-stopping moment she told her parents she had rejected Islam - and came out as a lesbian.
Over a cup of coffee in a Maryland cafe, Najva Sol said that she been living a lie her entire life with a Western lifestyle of boozing and partying which her parents had forbidden.
The 21-year-old also admitted that she had regularly watched porn film and was having sex with men, although she preferred women.
Confession: Iranian American Najva Sol, remembers her anxiety three years ago when she arranged to meet her mother and father in a Rockville coffee shop to reveal a truth she had been keeping from them
Miss Sol’s mother frowned and her father’s eyelids ‘crumbled like ancient ruins’ but in a surprising twist they accepted her.
She asked them if she could be a good daughter and a good person even if she was gay, and after a pause they replied: ‘Yes’.
Miss Sol’s accepting parents mark a sharp contrast to recent stories about strict Muslim parents punishing their children for defying them.
Amongst the most horrific was the case of Mohammad Shafia, 58, his wife Tooba Yahya, 42, who drowned their three teenage daughters and another woman in an honour killing in Ontario, Canada, because they had embraced a Western lifestyle.
Rehearsal: The then 21-year-old had rehearsed her planned conversation with her parents, admitting not being a Muslim, as well as being gay
In an interview Miss Sol revealed that she was born in the U.S. but moved back to Iran before her parents returned to America when she was seven.
The family settled in Rockville, Maryland where her father, an engineer, did not allow her to go to parties and banned cable TV from their home.
By the time she was a teenager, however, she had already begun to rebel.
Miss Sol told the Washington Post: ‘My childhood sex talk was: ‘Don’t do it.’ This is where we left off, and here is where we picked it up again.
‘I was drinking, having sex and lying to my parents back then. I began to realise I needed to get out of here, grow up.’
Family's support: To Miss Sol's recounted surprise and relief, her father and mother, who is seen here, told her they still accepted her as their daughter
Conflicting lifestyles: The girl grew up rebelling her parents' traditional ways of life, finding herself adapting to a more Western lifestyle of boozing and partying which her parents had forbidden
She started to look at porn websites ‘just to see what people look like’ and by the age of 15 she had sex for the first time, which left her feeling ‘like I was a land to be conquered’.
Rows ensued with her mother over her clothes and she used to keep her short skirts, high heels and makeup in her high school locker so she would not find them.
At 17 she fell in love with a boy called Alex and dated him for three years before she moved to New York to attend the New School where she had a relationship with a female dorm mate.
But Miss Sol was still lying to her parents and it was only now as she graduated that she felt able to tell them the truth
It turned out they had known all along.
Comparing views: Her parents, accepting her deviation, is a major contrast to recent stories about strict Muslim parents punishing their children for defying them, in some cases leading to their death
They told her that even though she was not the person they had hoped for, they would still support her.
Miss Sol said: ‘It’s the tone parents use when their kid single-handedly causes the soccer team to lose the state championship. I am not a star player, but they will sit in the bleachers for my team...
‘... For 15 years, I have been afraid there is not enough room in my parents’ hearts, in my family, my Iran, or my religion, for my truth.
‘Who knew how elastic parents can be?’
Miss Sol is now working as a photographer and artist, spending her time between New York and San Francisco.
Supporting: Miss Sol's parents told her that even though she was not the person they had hoped for, they would still support her
Her story is featured in a book of 25 searingly honest essays called ‘Love, InshAllah’ (Love, God Willing), which is due out on Valentine’s Day.
Its publishers pulled the stories together by calling for entries on Facebook and other social networking websites.
Of the 25 authors who have been included, 20 have agreed to be named.
The book’s co-editor Nura Maznavi, 33, told the Washington Post that it should hopefully dispel some stereotypes about Muslims.
She said: ‘Muslim women are either belly-dancing members of a harem, reduced to body parts that someone else controls, or shrouded in black cloth with no desire and having no sex.
‘The truth is that like all women, we feel and love and have heartbreak
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